one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
