Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
