new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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