ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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