he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
