her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
