i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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