I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
