yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
