Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
