allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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