barbara walters just said penis...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
