At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
As shirtless as possible
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
