Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
