I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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