It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
