U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
