so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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