are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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