My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Is it penis luge time yet?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
