Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
