Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
please come you make the beer taste better
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
smell my finger.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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