At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
