I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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