So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize