She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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