I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
