it was like his penis was on wheels.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
