You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he thought i was a dude.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
