Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just high enough for therapy.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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