remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
