good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
