i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
another moral hangover. fuck.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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