oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
