I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
