So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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