I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
