All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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