Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
