I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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