i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
