I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
