I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
