Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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