You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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