don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
