Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
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Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
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Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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