I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
