I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
