I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
