I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
