I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
