fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
