so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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