u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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