Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
