***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
