Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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