It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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