so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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