I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
