you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
