You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Your cock deserves a montage
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
