Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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