Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
