I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
