therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
