did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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