she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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