She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Randomize
