i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
