My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
