So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
