we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
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I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
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If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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