Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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