PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
