i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
