maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
birth control should be required to get into college
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
