Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
