sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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