last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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