so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
