you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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