She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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