Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Swine flu. Run for my life!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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