you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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