he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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